How to get dumped:

(from Marcus Barbagallo; Maxim, My Era My Words)

A thorough guide to being a terrible boyfriend; whether it’s a conscience decision or not, that’s for you to decide

1) Shower your woman with attention. This may sound like it would benefit your relationship rather than hinder it, however if used wisely this tactic could be deadly.

· Buy her things she doesn’t need, and probably doesn’t want

· Inappropriate PDA is a sure fire way to put her on edge

· Insist on sex: everywhere, all the time

· Emphasize the importance of oral sex; tell her things like: “If you loved me you would [insert imaginative explicit content]…”

2) Step (1) is only effective in person. When you are not together shift gears to negligence.

· Don’t call her during your lunch break, instead, wait for her to call but do not pick up. Text her back later with a piss-poor excuse

· During your nightly phone conversation insist that you are interested, but be sure to be preoccupied with something completely irrelevant and, if possible, insanely juvenile. Examples include: videogames, porn, watching reruns of the 2004 World Series of Poker, spider-solitaire, and so on and so forth

· Cut her off, preferably when she is in the middle of saying something important, tell her you’re tired and will talk to her later

· “Forget” to tell her you love her

3) Let’s not forget the double standard.

· When she is out with her friends, hound her whenever possible

· Send rapid fire text messages demanding the details of her whereabouts

· Be hostile; insecurity will have her questioning your trust for her

· Break any loose plans you may have had with her in order to go out with the guys

· When you’re out with the guys make sure you keep her in the dark

· Don’t call her when you’re out, instead wait for her to call you and be sure to be intoxicated beyond incapacitation

4) Fight till the bitter end. Now that she is thoroughly upset and just about at her breaking point, here’s how to send her to the loony bin.

· Get obnoxiously drunk at inappropriate times and make embarrassingly disturbing scenes in public

· Put down her profession, even if she holds a higher position than you do

· Make derogatory remarks about women, or more specifically her mother

· Now that she is against the ropes, knock her out. Seriously, a right hook to the jaw should do it

o Just kidding. By this point you would be reeling on the ground, having already received a flurry of punches from your counterpart, Muhammad Ali style. But congratulations, you are officially single. Revert to this guide the next time you find yourself in a painfully boring relationship

Andy Eats Episode 2: Spike’s Junkyard Dogs

Finally, episode two is done. Andy Crawford, of Big Mac in one bite fame, has taken his next leap in the arena of professional eating. The other night we went to Spike’s Junkyard Dogs over near Berklee in Boston and Andy completed the Spike’s challenge.

The challenge:

• Minimum of 6 hot dogs
• An hour and a half to complete (under constant surveillance)
• No using the bathroom
• No puking
• No leaving the building
• And no help from friends

To some it may sound easy. But even Andy has his struggles with this challenge. Watch the video and witness the grueling task that is… the Spike’s Challenge!

Also, check out Andy’s reactions at his blog.

BBC News: some inarticulate reactions to seemingly rediculous stories

Maybe I’m just in a crabby mood today, with the weather being gloomy and the Boston climate continuing its obnoxious trend of utter inconsistency, but I had some rather critical reactions to some stories I read this afternoon on BBC News (which, I’d like to clarify, is my fondest and number one source of news information).

#1) “‘Cool’ elephants caught on film”:

Apparently an elephant was caught on film spraying water on itself from its trunk to keep cool when it was hot outside. Um, well yeah… has no one ever been to a zoo before? I can think of several instances when I’ve witnessed elephants doing this very same thing. I remember as a young child thinking to myself, “Wow. That elephant is spraying itself with water. That makes perfect sense. It is a rather humid day out, after all.” That’s really all i have to say about that.

#2) “Blu-ray copy protection ‘cracked’”:

“Slysoft says the new version of its AnyDVD programme allows users to make “backup security copies” of high definition movies… When it launched in 2007, developers boasted it would not be cracked for 10 years. Sony declined to comment.”

Haha. All I can do is laugh. Bummer, Sony. Mostly because I think the advent of Blu-ray movies is silly and just too soon. I mean, we’ve only just recently completely converted from VHS to DVD. I don’t think society can really keep up. If anything, I’m glad. Viva la piracy!

#3) “Microsoft puts net at its heart”:

“‘We are placing the internet at the centre of our strategy,’ was the key message that Ray Ozzie, chief technology officer of Microsoft, got over to the attendees at the company’s Mix08 conference in Las Vegas this week.”

Excuse me, Microsoft? What exactly have you been doing all this time other than focusing on the internet? Making Windows Vista suck?

#4) “Rapper pleads guilty in gun case”:

Quite simply, that’s like saying “Teenager pleads guilty in puberty case”.

…and those are just a few of my thoughts. Much love, BBC.

Juicy Campus might ruin your life

Just recently i heard word of a website called JuicyCampus.com, a site where college students can anonymously gossip and spread rumors about their fellow collegiate classmates at their school. With only about 50 universities on the site now, it is quickly growing and becoming more and more popular, which just might be the scariest thing I can imagine.

Think about it: you’re a freshman in college, you’re going to all your classes, eating healthy, making friends, calling your parents once a week to ensure that their $40,000 isn’t being wasted, and one day you wake up and apparently you’re the biggest slut on campus. Everyone’s talking about it. Your social life is destroyed. Juicy Campus has ruined your life.

Here’s an excerpt from the Associated Press:

In campus debates over Internet freedom, students normally take the side of openness and access. This time, however, student leaders, newspaper editorials and posters on the site are fighting back — with some even asking administrators to ban JuicyCampus. It’s a kind of plea to save the students, or at least their reputations, from themselves.

“It is an expression from our student body that we don’t want this junk in our community,” said Andy Canales, leader of the student government at Pepperdine, which recently voted 23-5 to ask for a ban.

The vote came after a long and emotional debate on the limits of free speech, and was swayed by stories from students such as Haley Frazier, a junior residential adviser. She had recently come across a teary transfer student who had been humiliated on the site barely a week after arriving on campus.

This just might be the worst thing to happen to online college social networking since the advent of Facebook and the likes. And those other sites aren’t even that bad! At least their goal isn’t solely to encourage anonymous gossip and shit talking, the seeds to utterly tearing apart and destroying our beloved college community as we know it.

What are we celebrating?

 

Personally, as a college student I don’t necessarily need a holiday in order to drink on a Monday night. Being only 1/8 Irish, I myself don’t really find any reason to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day. After all, in 20 years of living I’ve gathered that it is only a holiday to celebrate the color green, binge drinking, and, of course, one’s Irish heritage. But it seems that you don’t even really need to be Irish at all to drink all day and night. So what are we celebrating anyhow?

Well, apparently for Bostonians there is at least one reason for a legitimate celebration on March 17th: “Evacuation Day.” As a piece on Boston.com today says:

Long before green beer and fake Irish brogues, March 17 has meant something in South Boston. It was the day in 1776 when the Continental Army sneaked 50 cannons up Dorchester Heights and chased the Red Coats out of Boston without a fight.

That’s cool. I can get into that. However, “Evacuation Day” is going to soon be considered a national holiday so that we can have a real reason not to work on a Monday (and to get blind drunk), just as my dear Rhode Island has its Victory Over Japan Day. But if Boston is just trying to give St. Patrick’s Day some historical relevance so that we can party, don’t you think maybe we should reevaluate what the “holiday” is supposed to be for in the first place?

I’m still waiting for someone to tell me what it is exactly that we are celebrating.

Thinkful Wishing (download my record for free).

 

In the Spring of 2006 i recorded an album with my pals at History Major Records. The record was called “The Ground Running”. It is a powerpop-indie-garage-folk type of record. A lot of hard work went into it. I played 95% of the instruments (drums, bass, rhythm guitar, lead guitar, piano, harmonica) and did about 95% of the vocals on it. It was a blast…

However, the album, 2 years later, is still unmastered and has never been pressed (only burned by myself for friends and loved ones). I imagine it will most likely remain as such ’til the end of time. That’s why I’ve decided to make it available for download in its entirety. So, if you are interested, click the link below and enjoy. And i really hope you do enjoy it.

The Ground Running

Oh, and hit up my myspace if you feel like it.

*(photo: Jared Drew Moody)

Post-it Blog Mania

SO, i don’t know if you’ve checked out The Post-it Project yet. But you should because it’s awesome. It’s a blog that was originally started as a way for creator Andy Ristaino to post his daily post-it doodles, but it has taken on a community of its own.

Also, i checked out some other sites like Working Draft and Sticky Note Theater.

I decided to try my own little post-it note “art” tonight. It’s funny, ya know, i use post-its all the time but never once used them to doodle on.

Andy Eats: a Big Mac in one bite

so, this is a little project i’ve begun working on with my good friend Andy Crawford where i am going to be video taping him eating things, taking part in eating challenges around the Boston area, and other speed eating challenges and whatnot. Check out our first segment where he eats a Big Mac in one single bite:

also, check out Andy’s blog HERE! 

Watch out, Feist!

I’m not sure if you’ve seen the MacBook Air commercial or not (you know, the one where the hands take it out of the envelope… wowwwwww), but the music playing is actually French recording artist, Yael Naim.

She sounds an awful lot like [other popular Apple-endorsed TV-commercial artist] Feist. Yes, they’re both French… which is hott… but you should check her out. I did and i dig it.

also, how did Amy Winehouse win basically every Grammy last night?

I just don’t get it. Why do white people love Amy Winehouse so much? I’d like to know…

Bigfoot Blogger Bliss

As a self-proclaimed Bigfoot enthusiast, my fascination of all things surrounding this elusive beast truly know no boundaries. Tonight i pleasantly stumbled upon a blog called simply “Thunderhawk’s Bigfoot Blog.” Thunderhawk, who’s name has been kept confidential apparently, is a 33 year old individual living in Oregon who has “been involved in the Bigfoot search off and on for 16 years.” Wow. This guy is my hero. Also, apparently he has a radio show on something called “Blogtalk Radio” in which he interviews people and talks about Bigfoot-related topics. I’m sure the show is good since all the title’s of his blog entries are usually “good show tonight” or some varying combination containing those three words. You really must see it for yourself. But here’s a little taste from one of his blog posts:

“Well, we had a good show tonight despite Bob being unavailable due to a prior commitment. I did the show tonight due to the fact that I couldn’t do my normal Sunday show due to technical difficulties which I have now fixed. I have Bigfoot activity going on around the property I’m living on now. Where I’m living has had a history of activity, some of it as recent as last year. Henry May, Billy Willard, and Bill Green joined me and we talked about this habitation situation. Screams have been heard in this ravine behind my house; last Monday (October 1st) one of my roommates saw the form of a Bigfoot looking in her bedroom window and she told me about it the next day. A footprint was found outside the window.”

Thunderhawk, i applaud you and support you in all your future endeavors. Keep up the good work, buddy. I’ll be seeing you in about a year or two when i join in on the Bigfoot search myself.